Encouraging better behaviour

Over the past few weeks I've been attending a parenting course which has given me some great tips on how to guide Eden in a positive way that builds up her self esteem and confidence and achieves good behaviour. Many of the tips I was sort of doing already to a certain extent, but the course has helped me name and identify these techniques and therefore improve my awareness of what works. Here's a few of my faves:

Praise
I've always tried to praise Eden, to be encouraging over good behaviour, to be enthusiastic when she perseveres and achieves something difficult (like stacking beakers when she was younger), or for example, when she holds it together when frustrated and we avoid a tantrum. I'm sure when I praise her this makes her feel good and that her efforts have been noticed, making her more likely to repeat it again next time.

I especially like to praise and encourage her when I know she overcomes something really difficult for her - like sharing when she'd sooner not, or when she steps out of her comfort zone and does something new and fun for the first time despite being understandably apprehensive initially. I think this has contributed to the fun little girl we have, who is open to new experiences and not easily phased by change.

Rewards
Eden loves her stickers at the moment. A couple of weeks ago, we were struggling to stop her throwing her food on the floor when she'd finished her meal, something she's done regularly since sitting at the table for meals. Toast wasn't a huge issue to clean up, but a plate of rice was a different story! By introducing a sticker every time she kept her plate on the table when she'd finished, we resolved the behaviour quickly within a couple of days.

Phrasing Positively
I love this! If I say to you 'Don't think of kangaroos' what are you thinking of? In the same way, rather than saying 'Don't run' I say 'Can you walk please'. It works for lots of different situations:

• 'Don't pull the cat's tail' becomes 'Be gentle with the cat please'
• 'Don't ignore me' becomes 'Can you listen when I'm talking to you'

All of these I've found are 'tools in the box' for me when it comes to being a parent and encouraging good behaviour.   

Hanging out with Eden

I'm loving Eden's age at the moment! She's just such a fun little person to be around and I feel very privileged to be in the position that I'm in, where I spend pretty much 24/7 with her, bar the odd day here and there when I take off my Mummy hat and put on my Dietitian hat.

Eden's 21 months old now, she's always been a social little person, but as she grows up and her language develops I'm so enjoying the new interactive conversations and experiences that we have. Yesterday is a good example. After the usual morning wake-up routine and breakfast, Eden pulled out her music box and we had a fun half an hour singing songs and banging drums. Eden now 'marches' to the Grand Old Duke of York (the cutest thing ever), does a lot of the actions (with an abundance of enthusiasm) to many nursery rhymes and songs, and fills in the last word of each line in our fave drumming book 'Skunka Tanka'.

We popped to the shops yesterday morning, not a tear or tantrum in sight. We chatted away about what we were buying - a few last minute things for Daddy's birthday, and shared a lovely girlie shopping trip together.

After her lunch and nap, we got the paints out. Eden helped with the preparation, insisting on carrying the paintbrushes and painting shower curtain/floor covering into the lounge. We had such a fun time painting together, with no frustrations from the little person arising - something I've learnt through practice. Filling a small trug with warm soapy water was a great way to draw the activity to a close - Eden washed the paintbrushes, while I washed her legs and hands, and then we both carried the trug into the kitchen to empty. Allowing Eden to help with preparations and clearing up really helps avoid her getting frustrated and upset.

The funniest moment of the day was when Daddy arrived home from work. We'd bought a chocolate cake earlier in the day to celebrate, and as it was only little I though Eden would love to be the one to carry it in to him (candle unlit of course). She proudly and carefully carried it with 2 hands the short walk from the kitchen to lounge. Unfortunately, she tripped just in the doorway, and cake, candle and 'Happy Birthday' decoration ended up on the floor. It was so difficult to keep a straight face, especially as Eden very seriously and unfazed tried to stick the candle back onto the cake before continuing her walk, bless her. 2 minutes later we were all tucking into a slice each, and with me sitting on the floor, Eden was giving me a side hug, hand on my shoulder, so grown-up!

Throw in a few proud mummy moments yesterday too - Eden through her colouring and toy kitchen play now knows the colours orange, green, pink, red and (nearly) blue. She also told us on 3 occasions that she needed to use her potty. Up until now we've been sitting her on regularly which has been working fine, but we've been looking forward to this next step.

As always with little ones, every day brings new developments, and I love hanging out with my own little lady.

Potty training: We've decided to 'go for it'....

As  it's the summer holidays our social diary has been pretty free this week, with none of our regular toddler groups running. I thought I'd take the opportunity to spend the majority of the week at home with Eden and concentrate a bit more on potty training. She's 20 months now and has been showing signs of being 'ready' for a good 3 months, I'm sure part of this is to do with her being in cloth nappies. In that time we've had lots of nappy-free evenings at home where she's successfully used her potty, taking her lead and just going at her pace. This week I've taken it a step further and left her nappy-free (with just a t-shirt on) all day at home.

Since the beginning of the week, Eden's made her own way over to the potty when she's already started 'going' realising that's what the potty's there for. As a result we've only had a couple of full accidents all week, although we've had plenty of trickles on the floor before she's made it to her potty. She likes our little routine that we have, of taking her potty to the loo to empty, flushing the loo afterwards and washing her hands (she loves that bit), so this has kind of been a reward in itself to her using her potty and has worked well. However, until today we hadn't progressed any further with her getting to the potty in time before starting, or with her telling me she needs to go (although she quite good telling me about poos).

I was confident that with an extra incentive we could get her weeing on her potty without any accidents, so this afternoon I bought her some chocolate buttons, and they've worked a treat (for a little girl who never has chocolate she thinks this is amazing)! Since introducing the chocolate buttons as a reward (this is different to a bribe) she's cracked it, and has done 4 wees and a poo with absolutely no accidents on the floor. She's also wee'd when I've asked her to on the potty, something she wasn't doing previously even if she needed to go.

So we appear to have taken the plunge, and made enough progress this week to be considering not going back into nappies in the day. I've got the trainer pants out, and her big girl's pants, the next step is to introduce these, and she has her 'My Carry Potty' travel potty ready for out and about.

Nurturing Independence

At 20 months, Eden is approaching the infamous 'Terrible 2s' phase. In actual fact her tantrums started around a year early! As she gained more self-awareness, she understandably started to show signs of independence. Over the last few months, I've become much better at recognising potential problem-behaviour situations, and learnt how to divert them. Consequently I can't recall any recent full-blown tantrums, unlike the 13-14 month mark when they were becoming fairly frequent.

Even in these early years I've learnt that encouraging Eden's independence by offering her choices has boosted her self-esteem and I'm sure this helps her feel in control and reduces tantrum attacks.

For example, when it was time to leave the park the other day, I offered Eden the choice of 'Would you like to walk or would you like Mummy to carry you?' When she didn't walk, I picked her up saying 'You're choosing for Mummy to carry you' - after that she was much more cooperative in walking! It works in other situations too - at bedtime Luke asks her 'Would you like to climb the stairs yourself or shall I carry you up?' and also in making healthy food choices 'Would you like a banana or an orange?' The choice helps her feel in control and know that her answer is valued and that she's taken seriously.

I've found the 'offering choices' option a great little 'trick' to add to my parenting skills toolbox, which is still quite small but growing all the time!